Oh Oh Pick Me!

I woke up well rested today, though something happened again that is starting to baffle me. When I go to sleep at night, I leave my radio through my blu-ray player on. Because of this, I must leave my TV on so that I can hear said radio. For a few nights now when I have woken up, both electronic devices are turned off. It's not every time I go to sleep with them on, only sometimes. Starting to really weird me out. It also happened once when I went to take a shower. I must have only been out of my room for about 45 mins and when I came back, they were off! So weird.

They day started out well. I lazed around in my room with Lexi. Watched a few episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm only on the second book, Earth. I'm really enjoying this series. In fact I may watch another episode before I fall asleep tonight. After that I went to work.

Ah work. The bane of existence for all those who wish to only have fun. Now, when I drive to work I rarely hit traffic. When I drive anywhere, I rarely hit traffic. Today the freeways and streets were PACKED. Good thing that my parents taught me to always leave myself enough time to get to work should something occur that couldn't be planned for. I can get to work and clock on in about 20 minutes, 15 on a really good day. I leave my house 45 minutes early for work. It's a good thing I left myself that 25 minute gap because I nearly needed all of it. I drove, parked, walked, and clocked into work with 2 minutes before I would have been late.

I shall take this moment to thank my Mom and Dad for raising me well.

Upon getting to work I had to figure out real fast how I would proceed with work today. You see, I just joined the crew scheduling team about a month and a half ago. Today would be the first day I would start the process on my own. I didn't do too bad a job, as we began assigning shifts by 2:15pm. I would have liked to be farther along than that, but I think that will just come with practice and a little more planning. By 4:30, we were doing checks to make sure that all the crew had around the same number of days and would have been done had our manager NOT interfered. Last week we had the crew schedule out by 5pm. Our manager even made a point of saying so, I'm sure just doing his best to urge us along. I really just wanted to say, "Look, you want us to be done? Then stop interrupting and let us do the schedule." But I couldn't, so I didn't. He makes too many changes to an already made schedule. I feel like I'm making two different schedules sometimes - ours and his.

I left, or rather was told to go home since we were almost done, at 6:45pm. I was in an impatient mood and there was traffic on the freeway.. at 7pm in the freaking evening! There should be no traffic at this point in the day, but it was on par for the day considering the traffic I ran into in the morning. I went home and chilled for a little, picked up the scrap booking stuff I bought and headed to Bear's. Bear and his family live in a gated community, which means I have to wait at a gate so they can call his house so they make sure he knows I'm coming. With the impatient mood I was in I didn't need the extra 10 minutes sitting in my car waiting to get in when it should have only taken 3 minutes.

Whatever.

When I arrived at Bear's he heated me up some bean stew and let me vent. I hopped up on the counter, ate my soup while sitting up there, and just vented for about 15 minutes. It was just what I needed. Bear always finds a way to cheer me up. Never met a man who can do exactly what I need before I even know I need it before now.

After my venting session we worked on getting pictures together for the continuing scrapbook. I originally made it as a birthday present for him, which he loved. Now we are continuing it with more memories and love. After gathering the pictures we just relaxed and looked through what we had already done. Bear and I.. we have the most wonderful times together. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life with anyone.

We went downstairs to look for some ice cream or dessert. I was about to dig into the Rocky Road, but I noticed some chocolate fudge bars. I haven't had a fudge bar in years! Bells went off in my head and they went like this - *ding ding ding*

...Wow, sometimes I amuse myself. The really sad thing is that the dings really did go off in head. I have a very strong imagination. Many years ago when my Dad was driving me home from a late soccer practice. I saw someone flick a lit cigarette out the window on the freeway right in front of us. I watched it fly out and land right as we drove over it. My over-active imagination kicked in and I swear I saw our car burst in an explosion from the cigarette somehow making its way into the engine. The visual was so strong that I almost screamed. That would have freaked my dad out.

Anyway, the idea of the fudgescicle sounded better than it tasted. Apparently it was the healthy brand kind. I prefer my unhealthy kind. They taste much better. Aunt Flo also decided to begin her monthly visit. I hate her. Well, I'm glad she's here but I hate what she brings with her. The pain was awful this time around. Bear offered to give me a massage and oh my lord was it amazing. It felt like all the pressure just left from my lower back. Might just have to have him give a massage every time she comes to town.

Time to sleep. Ciao.

What Are You Living For?

I have no writing regimen. I never know when I'm going to write or what I'll write about. The ideas strike me at all hours and if I remember or am near a computer I'll post about it. It also helps if I have no distractions, like chatting on facebook chat or talking on the phone. I want music to be blasting while I write. I'll even sing along in a horrible tone with a song I know the lyrics for. I go on music addictions, show addictions, place addictions.. pretty much any addiction that tickles my fancy. One addiction that I've never understood though is any drug addiction. There is one and only one addiction that I can never quit and frankly I never want to.

Fun. Fun is my addiction.

Dancing and singing to some ridiculous song.

Running in the mud for the purpose of finishing a 10km race.

Kicking the ball around with a bunch of guys and kicking their butts.

Screaming my head off while going through a corkscrew part of a roller-coaster.

Falling on my ass while trying to learn how to roller-skate backwards.

Running around like a madwoman with my three boxers in the backyard.

Biting into a new food Bear cooked for me.

Sitting on a swing, enjoying the weather and nature.

Revisiting a place from my childhood and rediscovering why I loved it so much.

Rocking out to Guitar Hero and Rock Band with my Mom.

Paying $15 to watch old movies in a cemetery in the middle of summer.

Making faces at my niece and listening to her laugh and growl.

Meeting up with family members I haven't talked to in months.

Reconnecting with friends I've made online.

Working on a homemade project for years to come.

Ok, so you get the idea. I love fun. I love how it makes me feel. I love passing that fun onto others. My main goal in life is just that: to have fun and create fun for others. Now, if I could turn that into a successful occupation I'd be set for life!

The actual inspiration for this particular blog was the present I gave to Bear for Christmas. It was a leather bound journal with an ambigram of the word journal on the cover. My parents bought the accompanying pen for him to complete the present. After he opened it his face just lit up and I was so happy he liked it. There was only one thing - he wanted me to make the first journal entry! He had been trying to get my to write in his journal for months now. I prefer the blogging way, but I consented after protesting for a bit. I'm still partly afraid of letting him into the far reaches of my brain, only because I'm still mending. But after all, if it's possible for one person to hurt and break you, then it's possible for another person to come along and put you back together.

So yea, enough of my rambling. Which is what I did in the journal entry for Bear. He loved it. I'm still a little unsure of having written it, but it is what it is. I'm putting myself out there more and more and I have not been disappointed by the results.

Love you, Bear.

Insomnia?

I'm not usually one to lose sleep. In fact, I like sleep. I like it very much. But it seems tonight that it shall elude me until I find a way to fix it. Blogging seemed like something that might amuse me enough to spend some energy on. It's not to arcade blast that I had the other night, but it will have to do.

Nothing much happened today. I woke up and lazed around the house. Had a gigantic bowl of multi-grain cheerios. Cuddled on the couch with my dog, Jax. Watched some early George Carlin stand-up with my Dad. Showered and left for work.

Work was definitely interesting today. First off, I was working the host stand today. I found out that they will be giving me the SUnday shift in the Cafe so I can learn running and bussing as well as be good at hosting. Hosting really isn't so bad. It goes a little something like this:

"Hi."

"Table for (insert number), please."

"What time is your movie?"

"(insert time)."

"Alrighty. Follow me."

*seat the guests*

Complicated right?

Today was excruciatingly slow. There were two football playoff games, a laker game, and the Golden Globes were on tonight. That KILLED our business. Not to mention that it was a nice fraking day outside. Despite the winds gusting up to 75 mph, it was clear, sunny, and 83 degrees. Got to love southern California weather! I swear it's bipolar. Cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot... making everyone and their mother sick with colds. Good thing I have an orange tree in the backyard. Nothing beats early cold symptoms like pure vitamin C.

Well, guess my little plan worked. Laying in bed, getting my random thoughts down helped me relax just enough to where I know I can fall asleep. I'd like to thank Orchy and Bear for getting me started on this writing/blogging craze. It's better sleep meds than, well... sleep meds.

Some Things And Some Other Things

I haven't written in awhile, mostly because of the lack of motivation I have to write. I've been thinking about it and well.. I write half for myself and half for whoever decides to read the crap that goes on inside my head. I haven't felt like many people have wanted a peek into the depths of my mind, so I stopped writing for a bit. Now the need to write for myself has overwhelmed the desire to write for you. Yay me!

A few nights ago Bear and I returned to a place neither of us has been to in many years - the arcade. Not an arcade at a bowling alley or at a mall, but an ARCADE. You know.. where everyone only cares about playing the games, having fun, beating the shit out of the other guy, or being the scoreboard leader. Tonight we went back again because I was restless and that small taste from a few nights ago got me a little addicted to going to the arcade again. I wanted to go somewhere that I could let out some energy. Do something that required physical activity. What is physically demanding at an arcade, you ask? (I don't care if you did or not, this is my monologue!) I have three letters for you - DDR. Sad but true, it is one of my favorite arcade games. Ever. Yes, I have the game at home. Yes, it would be cheaper to play at home. But it's a whole different experience. The arcade game is loud, flashy, and the dance mats are exactly what I need to play the game. No one to tell me to turn the music down, no one getting in the way of the TV, and I don't have to focus on not stepping on a dog if they decide to step in my way.

Bear, thanks for taking me. It was a wonderful night and a great $3.50 well spent!

There's a few things I must update on. First up - New Years. I wasn't sure how I was going to spend this past New Years Eve and Day. After some failed attempts to get a hold of some people, other people cancelling, and options running out, I ended up partying with my Mom, Dad, and a bunch of my Mom's friends. We had a blast! I got trashed with my Mom's coworker, we played pool all night, and I didn't get home until about 4:45 in the morning. Now that was a VERY fun time. Unexpected is an understatement of epic proportions. Best New Years party I've been to in many, many years. Oh, and Bear kissed me at midnight. That was the first time that I have ever been kissed at midnight on New Years. I don't have many firsts left, and I'm glad Bear was my first, and hopefully only one, that has kissed me at midnight on New Years.

Two things now that include work. First, I'm going to be starting off the scheduling for the following work week by myself until the others come in two hours later than they normally would. This is the first time I'm going to be kicking things off by myself, so I hope I do better than expected. Next is a situation that happened approximately a week ago. I call it the Shit Day From Hell. There's really no need to go into details, but I can honestly say that it was the single worst day I've had since working at the Dream Factory. So bad in fact, that I even had a mini breakdown. Oh well, if one Shit Day From Hell is all I have to put up with each year, I think I'd like to stay working there for awhile.

Now for the exciting one! While working yesterday, I met one of my favorite comedians and somehow managed to get put on his personal guest list for two tickets to see his show in two weeks! Who is this mystery person, you ask? (Remember, MY monologue!) Christopher Titus. Christopher fucking Titus!! *squealhappydancezomgfalls*

Also, I'm finally off academic probation at school. Yay! Now it's just a matter of crashing classes once again. Fun times.

So, that's an update on my life. I feel better now that I've written all the stuff since New Years. I've been trying to motivate myself to write again, but I guess I just needed a little exercise to get the creative juices flowing! I may have found my inspiration... any kind of physical activity. Preferably something outdoors and away from home. I should exercise more often!

The John Hughes Way

I was born in the late 80's, two years away from being a 90's baby. Not that it would have really made much a difference. Or maybe it would have, who knows. I grew up on classic rock, jazz, and classical music, all of which are really interconnected. My favorite band is Pink Floyd, I love loud music, and 80's movies are really my favorite type of movies, especially John Hughes movies. Seriously, who hasn't seen The Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink, or even Sixteen Candles? His movies really got to the center of some serious adolescent problems. He didn't just make fun of them, which is definitely one way to go about growing up a young person in society. Laughing things off, ignoring the stupidity of others.. sometimes those techniques in life just don't work. His films really delved into the mind of how we work when we're trying to find our place in our life. he sad thing is no one will ever know until one day that place slaps you right in the face and says, "Here you are! Enjoy!" But.. does tht really ever happen? To some people it does, and they are the very lucky few. The rest of us are just trying to find some niche in life where we can be ourselves.

Anyway, my point is, some o my favorite movies of all time are from John Hughes.

For those of you who are from a younger generation than I am, which isn't saying much, I'm barely into my 20's, there is a new movie that really pays homage to John Hughes and his movie style. It came out this past summer. It's called Easy A. Emma Stone is the star of the film and I will say, she's quickly becoming one of my favorite talents on screen.

Easy A is a really amusing and amazing movie about life in high school, which again, is in fashionable John Hughes style. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it to everyone who has ever seen a John Hughes film and who desperately needs to be introduced to them. In my opinion, you'll be a better person for it. Become a part of the Brat Pack. Learn a little about life, real life. Although his movies do have happily ever afters, which doesn't always happen, they do teach us about the hardships of life. If you can't find what he's trying to say, you aren't open enough or being honest with yourself.

On a different note, I have New Years Eve and New Years Day off.. ooooooooh what shall I do?! Boots is going with her girls to a fantabulous club where you pay a ridiculous (though not so when you think about drink costs) amount of money to get in and for free drinks. My other best girl friend, let's call her Domogirl, has already flown to Canada to hang with a bunch of people she met at Blizzcon. Bear says he wants to kiss me at midnight, which I agree to of course. I've told him this and it was a realization for me when I did.. I've never been kissed at midnight on New Years before. It sort of blew my mind when I realized that, because I've been with guys on New Years who were at the time my boyfriend and I've never been kissed at that time. Maybe that's why it's never worked out.. Oh well, life goes on.

Oh man, do I ramble or what? Must get ready for work now. Tonight I work the Host stand in our Cafe. I did it the day after Christmas, boy was that a mess. My coworker said I actually did well for it being my first time, but I think otherwise. I feel like I barely survived. It was kind of nice because I was tipped out by the servers at the end of my shift, which I feel is a little unfair since I didn't you know.. SERVE any one, but that is apparently the way it's working now in the Cafe. It's nice, but like I said, I do't think it's fair. Bear said it made sense, since the dining experience begins with the Host, but I'm not really doing anything except keeping the rotation going. Oh well, must just be a mental block.

Speaking of mental blocks, the other night I was at dinner with Bear and Dreamer, and somehow we got onto the subject of how eating fish and sushi is ok, but eating things like duck liver, dolphin, quail, and other out of the ordinary animals is not. Why? We're all a part of the food chain. Maybe I'm just weird like that. I don't see where the line is drawn. It reminded me of an discussion Ber, myself, and a few others got into at a party about why a man shouldn't hit a woman. It truly baffles me.

Holidays

I've always liked the holidays. People laughing, smiling. The twinkling lights of decorated trees and houses. The smell of fresh baked goods. It all gives me a warm feeling inside that is incomparable to anything other than love. I have the greatest example of love in the world, my parents. High school sweethearts, married for 27 years, together for 30. The thought of it makes me smile.

This year for the holidays I'm going to experience something new. My brother is married and out of the house we both grew up in. My grandmother has moved out of the state. My other grandparents have moved two states away. I'm working a job where I'm going to have to work Christmas Eve and Day. Normally, Christmas Day is spent waking up and making coffee (though not for me, I despise coffee), watching a random Christmas movie, and opening gifts given to me by loved ones. Then it's off the Grandma's house for more gifts and food that any Italian restaurant would be jealous of. This year.. this year is going to be a little different.

My brother is spending the holidays with his in-laws. My Mom and Dad are going to visit my Mom's parents on Christmas Eve and then drive to my Grandmother's (who is my Dad's mom) for Christmas Day and taking the dogs with them. I will be left alone, with a beautiful tree that Bear, my Mom, and myself decorated. Wrapped gifts will shimmer under the tree lights. I'll wake up to an empty house, shower, eat, and get ready for work. I'll work and come home, exhausted. What to do when I do come home? Only the day will tell.

New experiences are always around the corner. I just hope I'm ready for them.

Is There A Reset Button?

It's been well over a month since I last wrote. Shame on me, but what can you do? It restarts now.

I've had friend issues, but those are being resolved. I worry a little too much sometimes, but how can you not worry about those that you love? I just need to learn to be patient. I've often been told that I have pateince that no one could possess, but when it comes to knowing things about those I love, I'm so freaking impatient that I worry myself into a tizzy. But, I love them and that's all that matters in the end. They'll come to me when they're ready about whatever is on their mind, and that's pretty much what's happened. I'm just glad that I could connect with two great friends towards the end of a year in which I have gone through a roller coaster of emotional turmoil and happiness. It's been one hell of a ride and it isn't over.

I've gotten much acclaim from my managers and crew at work. I've been taught more and slowly given more responsibility. Recently I've been moved into the crew scheduling team at work. Hopefully I can help out. Learning more about the business, I realized how screwed up the business really is. Honestly, there are times where I know we are understaffed, but if the crew would just pick up the pace and band together, we could get through the hard times that are coming up. If the past is any indicator, we CAN do it. The crew just doesn't want to. They would rather moan and complain than just suck it up and do the best they can. I've seen what happens when everyone steps up and does what they're supposed to do. It truly is amazing, but sadly it is a rare occurrence.

Oh well. Is what it is.

Many things are happening right now. Whether they play out for good or for ill, only time will tell. At least I have the love and support of those around me. Even if the worst should happen in my situation, I have the constant reassurance that things will turn out right in the end, however bleak it may look at this moment.