Normally I don't remember my dreams unless I have a nightmare. I remember two out of three that I had last night, but they are fading fast. The third one I knew upon waking, but it's lost now. Here goes:
I was with a good friend of mine, a person who was my brother in the dream, and small child. We were walking and talking through a type of meadow/forest area. My friend, who in the dream is a girl, saw a small creek and decided she wanted to go check it out. At the same time, my brother and the small child disappeared. I stood at the spot, watching my friend inspect the creek and I knew something was wrong. The look of sadness on her face was enough to make my heart break. Then there was something else. The small pond that my friend was kneeling before changed and my friend jumped in. At first I thought she was just trying to cheer herself up, but then she kicked farther down below the surface. Quickly I walked over there, concerned because she had not resurfaced. No no no no no no I should have known it! She was trying to drown herself, but I couldn't jump in. I don't know if it was because I couldn't swim or had a barrier between me and the water. Panicked, I looked around. My brother and the small child were running towards me. I screamed what was happening. My brother dived in to save her. The child disappeared from the dream entirely now. It was agony waiting for them to return from the dark waters beneath the surface. I was shaking with fear. Finally I saw motion and my brother pulled her from the pond onto the grass, jumping out of the water himself. I picked her up and ran full out towards our house that was now just 50 yards away. The doors were open and I put her in her room with my brother on my heels the whole time. No sign of her breathing. Again, I couldn't do any CPR. I knew how, but for whatever reason I froze, too afraid to do anything. My brother performed CPR on her and she coughed and came back to me. I'm crying steady streams of tears by now. Once she was breathing and sitting up, I clung to her with a fierce hug. She tried to tell me she didn't mean to drown herself, that something pulled her under, but I knew better. She was lying. I told her so. She admitted it. And we both cried.
That was the first. I'm still saddened to recall the dream. The feelings of fear and sorrow are very real, I just don't know where they come from. The second dream I had I can't recall anymore. Here is the third:
I'm staying at a house. It's not my own, but I know I've been living there for a few weeks now. Not adopted, but taken in, maybe. I'm sharing a room with a guy. I know that I care for him very much. There's a party going on, a BBQ. I venture outside and see most of the people my age hanging around underneath the big shade trees while the older adults are in the patio. There's good music and cheer in the air, but something inside me doesn't join the festivities. I try and make it look that way though. I wander over to the trees to see who is here and I see my roommate with another girl, she was flirting with him. Instant heartache and he sensed it somehow. He looked straight at me after a second or two. Tears were pooling in my eyes and I tried desperately to not let him see. I turned quickly and walked. I don't know if I went in the direction of the house at first or if I went behind the neighbor's wall right away, but there I was with my hands covering my face, trying not to cry over this guy. In all fairness he hadn't said that he cared for me as more than a friend, but all his actions proved that he did. Even now, he was searching for me. I heard it as the party ended. He was asking people as they left if they had seen me and always the answer was no. A sense of urgency gripped him as he continued his search for me. I wouldn't let him find me. I moved my hiding spot every now and then because I knew he would eventually find where I was hiding. Night fell. I was up in the tree at this point. He never found me and eventually retired to his, our, room. I stayed there for a few more minutes to gather my courage to enter the house, to enter that room where I knew him to be. He was watching TV. I walked in without a word. The room divider was spread out. I knew he did that for me so I could change into more comfortable clothes when I returned. I changed. It was dark in the room, but there was a light on in the closet. I walked over there to put a shirt on.
He called out to me, "Hey, can we talk?" I froze.
"Yea," I replied softly. "Just let me finished getting dressed."
He walked over just as I pulled my shirt over my stomach. The rest of the actual words in the conversation is forgotten, but the feelings of the conversation remain. He wanted to know where I had gone. He was worried. I remained silent, just staring at him, willing myself not to cry once more. He knelt down to where I was sitting with my knees drawn up to my chest. Hands on my shoulders, face inches away he asked again. Where had I gone? I didn't answer, only turned my head away so I didn't have to see the fear in his eyes. Something could have happened to me, didn't I understand that? Didn't I understand how much I meant to him. In my head, the truth was no. I didn't know. He let me go and I turned my head to see him get something that was at the foot of his bed. He came back with a small poster board that had something on it. He revealed just how much I meant to him. How much he cared for me. He could never let me go.
"I've loved you from the moment I met you."
That is a phrase I still remember. Whatever acronyms he had created on the poster board, whatever words and meanings he gave them, they didn't matter. All that mattered was that he told me what I had longed to hear, and I cried. Cried because there was nothing else I could do. I loved him, too. He knelt in front of me and held me while I cried myself into him. I cried for a very long time.
Those were my dreams. Not my usual horror nightmares of evil houses and bloody spikes protruding from the ground, but it was a nightmare of a different kind.
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